Vegas: A Place To Break A Heart
by AlabamaBound
Summary: Can Gillian get Cal to realize just how much she loves him? Or will the Vegas connection break their partnership forever....
1. Chapter 1

**_~~AN~~ First chapter in a new story. I'm going to try and post a few chapters a day. As always, reviews are appreciated...._**

She looks out at the Vegas skyline and wiped a stray tear from her cheek. She was tired of crying all the time. Tired of wondering why she wasn't good enough for him.

She'd stood by him so many times throughout the years. Through the good and the bad. Yet, time after time, he passed her by for someone with bigger boobs and less brains. They'd been friends through so much. She was, in a word, tired. She was tired of being just friends with him. Tired of him overlooking her for bigger and better things. She was tired of being good old reliable Foster. Tired of trying to keep him out of trouble. She was just plain tired. Most of all, she was tired of feeling used all the time.

So, she packed her suitcase and headed downstairs. She was going back home. He didn't need her here. Not when he had the great blonde haired bimbo to keep him company. Both in bed and out. If he wanted someone like that, fine. She was done trying to make him love her. Done trying to show him her heart.

She hailed a cab and told the cabby, "To the airport please."

The cabby nodded and started driving. He looked at Gillian out of the rearview mirror. He noticed the tears in her eyes. Smiling, he asked, "Are you okay?"

Gillian nodded and said, "I'm fine."

The cabby smiled and said, "I'll tell you the same thing I've told my own daughter, you don't look fine. You look like you have a broken heart."

Gillian wasn't sure if it was his gentle voice or the fact that she was tired of hiding the hurt, but she finally broke down completely and said, "I'm just tired of him never seeing me for what I am."

The driver smiled and said, "What does he see?"

Gillian bit her bottom lip and said, "He sees me as his best friend. His business partner. Someone that will always bail him out in a pinch. I'm just tired of it."

The cabby nodded and said, "That's because that's what you let him see. Maybe you should let him see the other side of you."

"What other side? This is all I am. All I can ever be."

The cabby smiled and said, "I know that's not true. What's he looking for?"

Gillian laughed without a touch of humor and said, "He wants a bimbo. Someone that will jump into bed with him at a moments notice."

The cabby nodded and said, "Well, maybe you should be a little more aggressive."

"I can't, I...."

"You love him. Don't you?"

A tear slid down Gillian's cheek and she didn't bother to wipe it away. She nodded and said, "I do."

"Have you told him?"

Gillian shook her head and said, "No. I couldn't..."

"Why not?"

"I'm afraid. Afraid that he would laugh at me. Afraid that he doesn't feel the same. Afraid that three little words will change everything."

The cabby smiled and said, "It might change everything, but for the better."

Gillian shook her head and said, "I can't do it. He likes spice and I'm sugar. He likes roulette and I'm bingo. He likes everything that I'm not."

"Then he's crazy. Because, despite your puffy eyes I can tell that you're a beautiful woman. Any man would be lucky to have you for their girlfriend."

Gillian smiled and said, "I bet you say that to all the girls that get in your cab crying."

He laughed and said, "Hardly. Just the ones that need it."

Gillian shrugged and said, "It's still not going to change anything. I..."

"If you don't listen to anything else, please listen to this. Go for it and trust what your heart tells you. It can never lead you astray."

Gillian nodded and noticed that they'd arrived at the airport. She pulled her wallet out and paid the cabby. Adding a nice tip. She walked towards the terminal and handed the ticket to the clerk.

Soon, she was on the airplane back to D.C......


	2. Chapter 2

**_~~AN~~ Not sure how much I like this chapter, but decided that I'd post it. I'm working without a beta for this story, so any errors are my own. Thanks for all the reviews and I hope you enjoy this chapter....._**

She no sooner arrive at her apartment when her cell phone rang. She fished it out of her coat pocket and looked at the screen. She wrinkled her nose when she saw that it was Cal. She hit the ignore button and started packing her clothes. She really didn't feel like talking to Cal right now. Not when she had more important things to do.

She had everything packed and sitting by the door. It was late, so she decided to get a good nights sleep.

The next morning came way too soon. Gillian loaded her suitcases into her car and drove to the office. She stopped briefly in her office and typed up the following letter:

_**Dear Cal, **_

_**I'm tired of coming second to all of your conquests. I refuse to do it anymore. I"ve loved you for longer than you'll ever know. I can't love you anymore. It just hurts too much. I'm leaving to try and forget you and mend my broken heart. Please don't try to find me. Let's just remember each other and the good times we shared. **_

_**As for the company, everything is your's please try not to run it into the ground. **_

_**Tell Emily that I said goodbye and that I love her. **_

_**Love Forever and Always, **_

_**Gillian**_

She took just a moment to print out the letter and took it to Cal's office and left it on his desk. She looked around the room sadly and sighed. She felt an errant tear roll down her cheeks. Then she heard Cal coming down the hallway. She walked out of his office and down the hall. She thrust the letter at him and kept on walking.

She heard, "What in the bloody hell!? Foster! Come back here!"

Gillian kept walking. Straight out the building. She'd almost made it to her car when she felt an arm close around her arm. She was spun around and looked into the face of a very angry Cal Lightman.

"Would you care to explain this?!!"

Gillian shook her head, "Not really. The last I checked you could read."

Cal looked at her and said, "Not funny Foster! You know bloody well what I mean."

Gillian looked around and shook her head, "I'm not getting into it with you here."

Cal pulled her back into the building and told Heidi, "We are not to be interrupted and the person that does will be cleaning out there office immediately! Got it?"

Heidi nodded and watched a very angry Cal Lightman and a worried looking Gillian Foster walk into her office.

He turned around and locked the door to his office and let go of Gillian's arm. Then he turned around and said, "Do you care to explain this?"

"I already told you no. I can't do this anymore Cal. I can't...."

She turned and walked over to the window in his office. She looked out and took a deep breath, "I'm tired of wondering why you can't love me. Why I can never be good enough for you? Why I'm not pretty enough, smart enough or funny enough? I hate it when you sleep with anyone and everyone at the drop of a hat. First you went back to Zoe and then, even though you knew about her, you slept with Poppy. Do you have any idea how much that hurts?"

Cal stood speechless in the middle of his office. He didn't know what to say. So, he didn't say anything. She turned to look at him, "Thought so. Even when I tell you how I feel you can't open up to me. I'm tired of this Cal. I can't and won't do it anymore."

She walked past him and had almost made it to the door when he turned her around, "It's not that I can't open up to you. I just don't know how to tell you how much I love you. How much I've always loved you."

Gillian looked at him and her mouth was open wide, "What are you talking about? You don't love me. I'm not exciting enough for you. You don't love women like me. You love women like Zoe and Poppy."

"You're crazy."

"Regardless Cal, I can't do this anymore and I won't be fooled into thinking you love me. I can't do it Goodbye Cal."

Cal stood there and watched as she reached for the handle to the door. He knew that he had two choices at this point. One, he could let her walk out the door and out of his life forever, or he could show her how much he loved her. How much he'd always loved her.

So, he walked over to the door and put his hand against it. Stopping her from opening the door. He watched as she put her head against it. She didn't look at him when she whispered, "Why are you doing this Cal? Am I another one of your conquests? You know that you don't love me."

Cal simply leaned in and kissed her. She resisted at first, but he soon felt her kissing him back. She finally broke off and leaned her head on his chest she sighed softly, "Why did you do that Cal?"

Cal's hand rubbed her back softly. He couldn't believe how wonderful it felt to hold her. Instead of answering her, he kissed her again. More forceful this backed her into the door and he heard her moan loudly.

She couldn't believe that they were standing here in Cal's office kissing each other. She couldn't help it when she moaned into the kiss. He pushed her over to the couch and then sat down beside her. He looked into her eyes and kissed her again.

She looked at him and whispered, "We can't do this Cal."

"Give me one good reason why luv."

"Because you don't love me."

"I wish you knew how wrong that statement is."

"Then why do you always look for love with women that can never possibly love you? I'm right here and would never ask for more than you can give. I've been doing that for years."

Cal looked at her with a look of wonder. Finally he managed to say, "I'm not good enough for you luv. Never have been, never will be."

"That's a load of crap and you know it."

Gillian ran her hand over his chest, "I want something to remember you by Cal Lightman. I'm tired of being the person that lives by everyone else's rules."

With that, she stood up and started taking off her blouse. At this moment, she didn't really care if the whole office saw her. She wanted to make love to Cal. Right here, right now. When she'd finally removed the last piece of clothing, she got down on her knees and whispered, "Are you ready for this Cal?"

Cal could only nod and swallow hard as he felt her hands run up and down his crotch. Then her other hand unzipped his jeans and both hands pulled them off of him.

She smiled when she saw his boxers. She knew that she should stop. A voice in the back of her head was telling her that this was a really bad idea. However, her body was telling her that she needed this. So, she took off his boxers too. She held him in her hand and smiled. He was bigger than she thought he would be.

Leaning forward, she took him in her mouth. She heard his sharp intake of breath. Then, she felt his hands running through her hair. After a few moments, she climbed up and positioned him inside her. She moaned loudly as she moved up and down. She looked down at his face and smiled. She made love to him and she felt herself getting ready to explode. She looked down at him and whispered, "I love you Cal Lightman.."

Faster and faster she pushed him deep inside her. She felt his hands on her breasts and then she watched as his eyes rolled back in his head and he came deep inside her. She fell onto him and felt his hands stroking her back. She felt the little kisses that he planted on her face.

After awhile, she whispered, "Thank you Cal. I'll remember this night forever."

She got dressed quickly and ran out of her office. He couldn't believe that he'd let her walk out. Now that he'd made love to her, he wondered how he'd ever live without her.

Gillian drove for hours. Finally stopping at the place that she hoped would be her home.

She bought a house and settled in. Her life was wonderful. Until, a month later. It was then that she knew that she was pregnant with Cal's baby.....


	3. Chapter 3

**_~~A/N Sorry for the bad second chapter. I hope this one makes up for it. Please forgive me and I'll give you cookies. LOL! As always, reviews are much appreciated..._**

**_Okay, so my last chapter pretty much sucked big time.I hope that this makes up for it. This chapter has a series of emails between Cal and Gillian. I hope it makes up for an awful second chapter._**

Gillian was sitting out the window looking at her backyard. The snow had started falling earlier in the morning just after Gillian had gotten out of the doctors office. Such a pretty scene to counteract the way her heart felt.

She'd been feeling rundown and tired for a few days. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore and made an appointment to see a doctor. He ran a series of blood tests. He'd called a few hours ago to tell her the news.

"Miss Foster? This is Doctor Tillman. I've got the results of some of your blood tests back."

Gillia swallowed hard, asking, "Is everything okay?"

"Eveything's fine. You should start feeling relatively better in about eight months or so. Although, I suspect that you will still be tired."

Not understanding what the doctor was saying, Gillian questioned him, "Excuse me?"

The doctor laughed, telling her, "You're pregnant."

"Pregnant? That can't be. I can't have children."

"I know that's what your history shows, but I ran the tests twice. There is no mistake."

Gillian felt as if she'd been hit by a truck. She couldn't be pregnant. Not now. She finally managed to ask, "When is the baby due?"

"It looks like you're having an August baby. I'd say around the fifteenth of the month. Give or take a few days. I'd like to call in some prenatal vitamins and schedule an appointment to see you in a month."

Gillian nodded, "Okay."

"I know that you're shocked, but I know that you and the father will make great parents."

"I'm not together with the father."

"Oh. Very well then. I'll see you in a month."

Gillian disconnected the call and sat staring out the window. She needed to tell Cal, but knew that if she did, he would come running. Because of the baby. Plus, she still missed him terribly and didn't know if she'd be able to resist his voice. So, she did what she did best. She emailed him this:

_**Dear Cal, **_

_**I'm sorry for not contacting you sooner. I've been trying to get over a broken heart. However, it doesn't seem that's ever going to be possible. I miss you more and more with every day the passes. I thought that putting some distance between us was best for us both. **_

_**However, I miss you more with each day that passes. Sometimes, I want to pick up the phone and call you. I know that if I do, all my reserves will break down and I'll end up wanting you here even more. **_

_**Please don't try and call me right now. Just know that I love you. I will always love you. My heart will always belong to you. I try and forget you, but I know that will never happen. Somehow, you've come to live in my heart. **_

_**Love Always, **_

_**Gillian**_

Gillian signed and logged out of her email. She went back to sit back down and watch the snow falling. She knew that Cal would try to find her. It was only a matter of time.

Cal arrived at work that morning in a foul mood. As was the case ever since Foster left. He walked into his office and sat at his desk. He switched on his computer and logged into his email. He was shocked when he saw an email from Gillian.

He opened the email and read what she'd written. There were no promises of her returning anytime soon. No hope for the future, but she did write that she loved him. He wrote this in reply:

_**Hello Luv, **_

_**I know that I hurt you terribly. I can't tell you how many times I've cursed myself for being a bloody fool. If there was any way I could go back and undo what I did in Vegas, I would definitely do it. In a heartbeat. **_

_**I love you too. I keep hoping that it will pass. That somehow, my heart can move on and get over you. I know that this is just a bloody dream though. However, the more that I try to forget you, the more I seem to want to know what you're doing. Every second of the day. **_

_**Torres and Loker are just about ready to bloody kill me. They say that they never realized how you brought out the best in me. I told them that you kept the worst of me at bay. Which, looking back was incredibly unfair to you. I wish there was a way we could start over again. I know that's not a possibility. **_

_**So, I sit here in my office brooding over everything. Even Emily said that she wishes you were back. Because, according to her, I'm much happier when I'm with you. God, I miss you Gillian. I keep thinking that this is just a bloody nightmare. One that I need to wake up from soon or I'm going to lose my ever loving mind. **_

_**I promise that I won't call you. At least not now. Just remember, I do love you. Even if I never showed it. If you ever want to give me, give us a chance, I'll be here waiting for you with open arms. I would like a chance to work on rebuilding our friendship.**_

_**Love Forever, **_

_**Cal**_

Cal sat back and looked at the computer screen. He hit send before he could think it over. He closed his eyes and debated whether to keep his private investigator looking for Gillian. It couldn't hurt. At least knowing where she was would help ease the pain and guild he felt for driving her away in the first place.

So, he called the man and promised to double his fee if he gave him any information on Gillian's whereabouts. Then, he hung up the phone and went to work for the day.

Gillian checked her email and smiled. The email was so typically Cal. She knew that he loved her. Part of her was scared of that love. Maybe that's why she ran in the first place. So very unlike her. She knew that she should have stayed to talk it out with him. She shook her head and replied to his email:

_**Hello Cal, **_

_**I love you and thank you for respecting my wishes. Maybe we can work on building some kind of relationship. It's something that's important for our future. I've got something to tell you, but don't know how to. I guess I'll work it out and I will tell you. It's just hard to know how you're going to react. **_

_**Tell Emily, Ria and Loker that I miss them. Tell Emily that I love her and to not be too hard on you. I know that she means well. **_

_**Thank you for not calling. That means more to me than you'll ever know. I'm working up the nerve to call you, but for now this works fine. **_

_**I'll talk to you soon. **_

_**Love Forever, **_

_**Gillian**_

She knew that it was short and sweet. Every word was true though. She was working on telling Cal about the baby. She just needed a bit of time to figure out how to tell him that he was going to be a father again. She could only guess at his reaction. She hoped that her delaying in telling him, didn't push him away forever.....


	4. Chapter 4

**_~~A/N~~ I think this chapter is a big improvement over the past two chapters. I realized, with the help of a great reviewer and two wonderful beta readers, that I was trying to rush the last chapter of the story. So, I've decided to take this chapter slow and go back and see how Gillian and Cal were feeling. Well, I think this chapter is much better. I want to thank amathyst_eyes, sarastar43 and callianshipper for beta reading this story for me. Your help has been a wonderful help to me. I hope this chapter works better._**

_I will be getting into why Gillian felt the need to leave in later chapters. Just know, it has a lot to do with Alec. LOL! I hope you enjoy this story and as always, reviews are much appreciated...._

Cal read the latest email from Gillian and smiled sadly. He never thought that he'd miss her this much. Her smile seemed to light up the office and make everything better.

He remembered back to when he first realized that she was gone.

_Cal walked into the office the morning after he and Gillian made love with a smile on his face. He walked over to Heidi's desk, "Good morning!!" _

_Heidi gave him a suspicious look, "Good morning." _

_Cal pretended to look through the mail, asking casually, "Doctor Foster's in her office right?"_

_Heidi shook her head, "No. She hasn't come in yet this morning." _

_Cal was surprised. Usually, Gillian was the first one in the building. He looked at the door to Gillian's office and walked inside. The minute he walked in the door he knew that she was gone. He looked around and the first thing he noticed was the pictures or lack thereof. Gillian always had three pictures on her desk. One, was of the two of them. It was taken at their last Christmas party. One of her and Emily. That one was taken on a shopping trip that Gillian had taken his daughter on. The third one was of him, Emily and Gillian._

_They weren't in the usual spot on her desk. Looking around, he noticed that her desk was void of any of her personal belongings. He opened the desk drawers and noticed that there was nothing except files in them. He looked at her desk and noticed the same note, folded in half and taped to her monitor. He snatched it off and opened it up. I was the same note as before, except Gillian had added:_

_**Despite all your promises, I can't stay Cal. I will always love you. Please believe me. I never meant to hurt you and I know that's what my leaving will do. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but somehow I feel that this is the best thing for both of us. **_

_**Love Always, **_

_**Gillian**_

_Cal let the paper flutter from his hand and watched with a disconnected feeling as the paper hit the floor. She'd left. Despite their wonderful night together, she'd left him. Left the company. How was he going to function without her? She was the glue that kept everything together. He sank into her chair and stared into the empty room. _

_Sometime during that awful day, Heidi had come in and asked, "Are you okay? Where's Doctor Foster?"_

_Cal shook his head and whispered, "She's gone." _

"_Gone?"_

"_Yeah. Gone! You do know what gone means right?!!"_

_Heidi nodded and walked quickly out of the office. Afraid of incurring more of his anger if she stayed. _

_He barely remembered the drive home that night. He sat outside his house for thirty minutes. Until finally, Emily had come out to see if he was alright. _

"_You okay dad?"_

_Cal nodded and tried to put on a brave face, "I'm fine luv. Why wouldn't I be?"_

_Emily gave him a funny look, "Because, I heard what happened. I heard that Gill left. Why'd she do that dad?"_

_Cal had been trying to figure out the true answer to that question all day. Not knowing what else to say, he told her honestly, "I was an ass to her. Plain and simple." _

_Emily had a thousand questions rolling around in her head. However, she knew that he dad probably didn't want to hear any of them. Instead she opted for the easy way out, "Is she coming back?"_

_Cal shook his head slowly, "It doesn't appear that way. She cleared out her desk and took her pictures."_

_It was then that Emily was truly worried. She knew that Gillian treasured the pictures of the three of them. She remembered the days that each one was taken. Gillian even let her pick out the frame for the picture of them together. She couldn't believe that Gillian would just leave without saying goodbye to her. She shook her head, turned, ran back up the stairs and slammed the door. _

_Cal winced at the sound that the door made. He knew that Emily was incredibly hurt by Gillian's leaving. He shook his head and want to go make a dinner that he had no interest in eating._

_The next few days were unbearable for everyone at The Lightman Group. Cal snapped at everyone for everything they did. It got to the point where Loker and Torres were drawing straws to get out of working with him. _

_Nothing was right without Gillian. It was like all the smiles and laughter had been sucked out of his life. His days became a matter of simply existing. He rarely smiled or laughed anymore. He was always __in a bloody awful mood. That was, until the emails from Gillian started coming into his inbox. Now, he had something to look forward to everyday._

Cal sat at the computer thinking of a way to reply to her latest email. Emily had found out about the emails and wanted him to ask her if it was okay if she emailed her. He promised his daughter that he would ask her when he emailed her the next time. He smiled and penned the following email:

_**Hello Luv, **_

_**I've went through so many emotions over the past few weeks. I've tried to think of how you must have felt to want to leave. I'm sorry that I drove you to do something so bloody drastic. Despite the ass that I was, I never meant to hurt you. **_

_**I can't tell you how hard it is for me not to call. I wonder if you ever think about me. Think about what we could be together. About how great we could be. Despite everything, I do love you. I guess I'll have to keep loving you from afar. I wish it wasn't too late to see that. I'm so very sorry Gillian. Please know that you are never far from my thoughts. I don't know how I'm going to be able to go without calling you. It's the single hardest thing I've ever done. **_

_**Emily wants to know if it would be okay if she were to email you? I told her that I'd ask and wait for your reply. **_

_**I wish you could see just how much you are missed here darling. It's becoming hard to exist without your smile. I'm seeing now how much joy you brought to my life. I guess you never know what a wonderful thing you have until it's truly gone. I will spend the rest of my life regretting the fact that I didn't treat you like the Princess you are. That and that alone is the biggest regret of my life. **_

_**I will always love you. **_

_**Yours Forever, **_

_**Cal**_

Gillian read the words that Cal had written and started crying halfway through them. She was losing the battle with her self control. She knew that she was a hair's breath away from picking up her phone. It was so different from the way she felt a month ago. Then, she couldn't have cared less about what Cal Lightman felt. She remembered back on that day sadly:

_She'd left the building in the biggest hurry of her life. She wiped away the river of tears that seemed to flow freely from her eyes. She wished that she wouldn't have made love to Cal. Because that made their relationship and what they could be together all that more real. _

_The first thing she did when she got home was pack her clothes. She was done in record time. She drove to the office and walked into her office._

_She quickly packed the belongings in her desk, taking special care with the pictures. She knew that it was crazy to take them with her, but she did cherish those memories. Not the ones that were currently running through her mind. She stopped for a second to look at the picture of her and Emily. She smiled sadly as she thought about how much she was going to miss her. She almost faltered at the thought of not seeing Emily again. She'd become like a daughter to Gillian and the thought of not having her in her life was something too horrible for words. However, she knew that she'd never be able to get over the pain that Emily's father brought and her relationship with Emily couldn't fix that. _

_So, she kissed her fingertips and placed them on the picture. Wishing that the kiss would reach her somehow and that she didn't hate her too much, Gillian put it in her purse. She took the letter out of her purse and taped it to the monitor. A spot that Cal was certain to find it. With a final look around her office, she walked out of the building for a final time. _

_She drove for hours until she was physically and mentally exhausted. She finally arrived at the place that she would call her new home after about six hours. She stopped and smiled as she pulled into the bed and breakfast. It was a small town in North Carolina. The perfect place for someone to recover from a broken heart. _

_She lay in the bed of the small hotel and knew that this was someplace that she could call home. So, she arranged for a realtor to take her around. She found her new house quickly. The second one that she looked at was wonderfully perfect. _

_It was a few weeks after arriving in town that she noticed that something was wrong. She felt incredibly tired and was constantly getting sick. She finally made and appointment with the local doctor. It was at that appointment that he confirmed that she was pregnant. _

_She knew immediately that she would have the baby. That was never in question. What was in question was how much involvement Cal was going to have in the baby's life. It would be so easy to forget him and go on with her life, but that would be incredibly unfair to both the baby that she carried and the man that she still loved with all her heart. She decided that she just needed time to find a way to tell him about the baby. _

So, Gillian sat there knowing that she needed to tell Cal about the baby. She was just putting off the inevitable. She knew that as soon as he knew about the baby, he would set out to find her. That both thrilled and terrified her. She knew that Cal deserved to know about the baby. He was, after all, a wonderful father to Emily. In spite of his many faults with her, he loved his oldest daughter. So, she decided that she'd skirt around the truth.

She answered Cal's email simply:

_**Dearest Cal,**_

_**I feel the same way. Please know that I'm trying to work through all of these emotions and trying to sort everything out. I do love you. It's just hard being treated like a old shoe, well worn and rather comfortable, but useless against any protection from the rain and snow. **_

_**Yes. Emily can email me. I think I'd like that. I love you Cal, but I can't call you. Not just yet. Just know that I'm working up the courage to call you. There's so much I need to tell you. So much has happened, but it's something that I'm still working on. Hopefully when I do tell you, you won't hate me too much. **_

_**Love Always, **_

_**Gillian**_

She hit send and stretched and yawned. She knew that it was time for bed and headed for her bedroom. It was lonely though. She knew that she had to power to change it, but hated that she needed and wanted Cal so much. She truly loved him with everything that was in her heart. She knew that some part of him loved her, but she was afraid that it was only because she was gone and that once he had her back, he'd go back to his same old self. She wasn't sure of their love. Not yet. However, he was giving her the time and distance to work on her feelings and for that reason alone, she loved him with all her heart.......


	5. Chapter 5

**_~~A/N Thanks for all the reviews. They truly help me know that you like what I'm writing. Or, if you don't like it let me know that too. _**

_I want to thank all my wonderful beta readers. Especially LPLB who beta'ed and helped me with this chapter tremendously._

_I appreciate any reviews that you feel like giving. Good, bad or otherwise._

Emily sat at Cal's computer biting her lip. She had so much that she wanted to say to Gillian. Mostly, she wanted to know why she left. Her dad kept telling her that it wasn't anything that she'd done. That he'd been completely at fault. Of that Emily had no doubt. Sometimes, her dad could mess up the simplest of things. She wondered how the man could run a company, let alone dress himself.

She finally typed an email to Gillian.

_**Hey Gill,**_

_**I've been thinking a lot about what I wanted to say. Dad said that it was okay if I emailed you. I can't help but wonder if I did something wrong. I know that I was upset because you didn't tell me about where Dad really went. I wasn't really mad. I was just hurt. I know that you did it to protect me.**_

_**I wish you'd come home. Dad's been in a terrible mood. He misses you something awful. He's been snapping at everyone and everything.**_

_**I heard him talking to Mom the other night when he thought I was upstairs in bed. I was, but I needed a drink so... anyway, I heard him telling her that he missed you. Of course, Mom said that you weren't worth missing! I've never heard him use some of the words that he said to her.**_

_**Honestly, I love Mom, but she needs to butt out of this one. Why? Because she and Roger got married last weekend. Yeah, I was surprised too. I thought she wasn't ever going to finally do it. She did and I think she's mad cause Dad didn't want her back. It's funny really. I'm only sixteen and I know more about her feelings than she does sometimes. **_

_**Anyway, I really miss you Gill. You're the only normal one in our family and that's saying a lot. Whatever Dad did, I hope you can forgive him soon. Cause if not, I'm going to go crazy.**_

_**I'm going to go for now. I just wanted to tell you how much I love you. Do you have an IM program? I'd love to chat with you on there. Mine is: cheekychick16, it's on AOL by the way.**_

_**Love ya, **_

_**Em**_

Gillian sat staring at Emily's email for a good twenty minutes. She'd read it at least ten times, between tears. She'd been fine until she got to the end and read the words, "I just wanted to tell you how much I love you". It was then that she started crying. She'd wanted to pick up the phone and call Em.

Instead she moved over to the couch and laid down. How had her life gotten to this point? Where she was so afraid to love the person she did, that she'd resorted to running away instead of facing the cold hard truth. She loved Cal Lightman. Of that she had no doubt. What she did doubt was whether that love was enough to build a relationship on.

Did she trust him? She didn't know. She thought she did, but she'd trusted Alec and look where that had gotten her. A seven year marriage with nothing to show for it except a twice broken heart. She knew that Cal wouldn't set out to intentionally hurt her, but the old fears were still there.

Every time Cal slept with another woman, it brought back all the old memories of her life with Alec. The question of why she was never good enough, why he couldn't love her.

She stood by and watched as Cal made a mess of his life with Zoe. She hadn't said a word, despite all the snide comments and nasty looks that Zoe had given her over the years. She could deal with them sleeping together even after their divorce, because, despite the pain that it caused her, Zoe was still Emily's mother and Cal's ex-wife.

She could handle it, because she still had Alec. Despite the fact that he cheated on her at every turn. Looking back, she knew that she was just using him to keep the other side of the bed warm.

Something had changed when she left Alec. She'd found a confidence that she hadn't had before. She'd started exploring her feelings for Cal more deeply. Somewhere between divorcing Alec and leaving D.C., she realized that she'd fallen in love with him.

She'd fallen in love with the very man that she knew would never love her back. She wasn't exciting enough for him. His taste in women did not include someone like her; she wasn't enough of a bad girl for him, she didn't present any challenge. Someone like Cal Lightman didn't fall for the girl next door and that's what she was. She was boring and not very pretty, something that Alec had made sure to tell her on more than one occasion. He'd also made it a point to tell her that no one else would want her and that she was lucky to have him. She'd believed him for so long; she still believed him.

She didn't think that anyone could love her for who she really was. She felt the tears slide down her cheeks. God how she hated Alec for doing this to her. Everything that she was doing now was because of what he'd done to her.

She emailed Emily back:

_**Hey Em, **_

_**Don't ever think that you did anything to upset me. This really and truly has nothing to do with anything you said or did. I don't know how to explain it, except to say that sometimes, adults have to do things that they think are best for themselves and not necessarily what's right for everyone else. I'm sorry if I've hurt you. That truly wasn't my intention. I love you and wish with all my heart that things could be different. **_

_**Your mom means well Em. Give her a break and you might be surprised. I do wish that I could have been a fly on the wall for that conversation, between your mom and dad though. **_

_**I love you too. I do have an IM screen name, it's crazylielady. It's also AOL. **_

_**Love, **_

_**Gillian**_

Gillian hit send and went into the kitchen to get a glass of milk. While she'd never been a fan of plain milk before, now, she couldn't get enough of it. She no sooner got back to her computer when she heard a little pinging noise. She smiled when she saw her instant messenger pop up.

_**cheekychick16: Gill!!**_

_**crazylielady: Hey Em! That was fast.**_

_**Cheekychick16: Yeah, dad's out for the night.**_

_**Crazylielady: Another hot date huh?**_

_**(Long Pause) cheekychick16: Not exactly....**_

_**crazylielady: It's okay if he is. I don't expect him to live life in a box forever.**_

_**Cheekychick16: He's not on a date. He said that he had to work late. Although I think he's been sleeping at the office. A lot.**_

_**Crazylielady: Really? I didn't know...**_

_**cheekychick16: There's a lot that you don't know. Mostly, how much he's hurting right now. I don't understand any of this. I know that you care for him.**_

_**Crazylielady: I do. I love him in fact.**_

_**Cheekychick16: Then why won't you come home Gill? We all miss you.**_

_**Crazylielady: I know you do Em. It's complicated. There are some things that I need to sort out.**_

_**Cheekychick16: Well, I hope you get everything sorted out soon. We all miss you.**_

_**Crazylielady: I know.**_

_**Cheekychick16: And dad misses you. **_

_**Crazylielady: I know Em. Tell him I miss him too. **_

_**Cheekychick16: I will. I love you too. Bye!**_

She signed off before Gillian could type anything back. She wondered what Emily was thinking. She hoped that Em didn't hate her too much.

Gillian turned off the computer with a sigh and walked to her bedroom. She put on her nightgown and climbed into bed. Sleep was a long time coming that night. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Emily and Cal's faces staring at her. She closed her eyes harder, but the images refused to leave her mind.

She knew that she was going to have to tell him about the baby soon, but she worried whether Cal would still want her for her or if he'd only want her because she was having his baby. She would rather be a single parent than risk her child being unwanted. .

She decided that she was going to tell him about the baby and see where it went. She only hoped that he really and truly loved her. Because if he didn't, she hated to think what would happen then.

She picked up the phone the next morning and held it in her hand for at least twenty minutes. Finally, she just hit the speed dial on her cell phone and listened to it ring. Cal answered on the second ring and he sounded out of breath.

"Hello?"

She took a deep breath and managed to croak out, "It's me."

"Foster? Is it really you?"

She laughed, "It's really me. Unless I'm dreaming. Or you are."

"When are you coming home luv?"

Gillian took a deep breath and whispered, "I'm not Cal. At least not right now."

She heard Cal sigh,"Is everything alright luv?"

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and blurted it out, "No Cal. Everything isn't okay. I don't know how this happened, it shouldn't have happened. All the doctors said it couldn't happen, but it did and I don't know what to do about it. I'm scared and alone and I'm mad, dammit. Mad at you. Mad at myself and I'm mad at Alec. I'm mad that this couldn't have happened later or sooner or not at all. I'm tired of running away. Tired of being away from you and Emily. Tired of wanting to talk to you, but scared that you won't want me anymore...."

Cal waited until she stopped talking, "Are you okay luv? I love you. Nothing could ever change that."

"I don't know about that Cal. Things can change very quickly."

"Trust me luv. Just tell me. I promise whatever it is we can work through it. I..."

Gillian broke in and said, "Fine. I'll tell you, but don't say that I didn't warn you and when you run, I'll know that I was right!! You want to know. You're sure you really want to know?"

"Yes."

"Fine, I'm pregnant with your baby."

The silence on the other end of the line was louder than ten bombs going off. She waited for him to say something. Anything.....


	6. Chapter 6

**_Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. I truly appreciate each and every one of them. I want to thank my beta reader, LPLB. Thanks again for helping me keep the story on the right track. _**

Cal was speechless and finally managed to croak out, "You're sure?"

"Positive. I'm almost two months along. I understand if you don't want anything to do with me or the baby. I'm prepared to raise it on my own and you won't have any responsibility for either one of us. I..."

Cal interrupted, "Would you just be stop and let me talk."

"Okay."

"I love you Gillian."

"Because of the baby."

Cal tenderly corrected, "Not because of the baby. Well, I love the baby too, but luv, you're the one that I want. The one that I love."

Gillian hadn't known what to expect. Certainly not the tenderness that she heard in his voice. Her throat closed up with emotion. When she was able to talk again she said in a whisper, "I wish I could believe that Cal. I would give anything to believe it."

"Why is it so hard to believe luv?"

"Please don't Cal. My emotions are raw enough without you calling me that. I might start to think that you care about me more than you do."

Cal pulled the phone away and looked at it. He couldn't belive that they were having this conversation. Maybe he was dreaming afterall. Maybe, just maybe, he was imagining this whole conversation. He finally asked, "I must be dreaming, because the Gillian Foster I know wouldn't doubt my feelings for her."

Gillian sighed heavily, "Maybe you've never noticed, but I've always doubted them Cal. I've got nothing to offer you. I'm not pretty. I don't make all the men turn their heads when I walk by. I know that you feel something, but it's not love and..."

Cal could feel his blood begin to boil, "You've got it all figured out don't you? Why did you even bother to call me if you already decided how I felt?"

"I wanted to prove it to myself."

"Fine! You proved it to yourself! I don't really love you! I just like having my heart ripped out for fun!"

She swallowed hard, "I'm sorry Cal. I shouldn't have called and bothered you. I just thought you had a right to know about the baby. I won't call you again."

"Dammit Gillian! Would you please stop doing this? Why is it so hard to believe that I love you? That you matter to me? That I want to build a life with you and raise our baby together."

"It's simple really. You don't love me Cal."

Cal had to take a deep breath to keep from losing it again, "I really wish you would stop saying that. What do I have to do to prove how much I love you?"

She uttered two simple, yet extremely powerful words. A command that she knew would be nearly impossible to follow, "Find me."

Cal wasn't sure that he'd heard her right, "What did you say?"

"I want, no I need you to find me Cal. If you love me as much as you say you should be willing to do whatever you can to find me."

A thousand thoughts swirled around his mind. Of all the things that she could have asked for, this was the last thing that he would have thought of. Two simple, yet extremely powerful words. When he finally spoke it was to say, "I will find you Gillian and then I want to know why you think it's impossible for me to love someone as beautiful and lovely as you are."

Gillian couldn't take any more, "Goodbye Cal."

"Not goodbye luv. We are an unfinished story and I intend to make sure that we finish what we started."

Gillian nodded and hung up the phone. She laid down on the couch and cried herself to sleep.

In the days that followed, she found that she didn't want to go anywhere near the computer. So, she avoided it like it was a snake ready to strike without a moments notice. She would look at it longingly. Wanting to check her email, but afraid at what she might find waiting for her.

A week passed and then two. She deleted every single email from Cal and Emily. Wanting to erase them from her life forever. She knew there was no use in wanting what you couldn't have. So, she did her best to go on with the daily task of living her life.

Meanwhile, Cal had set out on a mission to find Gillian. He was determined to prove to her how much he loved her. She seemed to have forgotten that he had the resources to find anyone.

The first thing he did was call in a couple of favors. He went to Agent Ben Reynolds. Cal knew that he and Gillian had become friends. He walked into his office and said, "I need your help Ben."

Reynolds looked at him with eyes full of suspicion, "What makes you think I'm going to help you?"

"Nothing. Not a bloody thing, but I want, no, I need to find Foster."

A look crossed over his face as he mumbled, "Definitely not going to help you."

Cal sighed and continued, "I know that you think I totally mucked everything up with her. It's important that I find her."

"Why's it so important?"

"She's pregnant. I love her and need to go to her."

Cal could see the emotions on Reynolds' face and knew then that Reynolds was going to help him.

Reynolds shook his head, "I must be crazy for agreeing to help 's better off without you. You do know that right?"

"I do, but I need her."

"Okay. Well, I did a little checking on my own and found out that she bought a house in North Carolina. A place called Spring Lake."

"I've never heard of it before."

"That's not surprising. It's a small town. In the middle of nowhere really. She couldn't have picked a better place to hide."

"Except that we have connections. How long have you known where she's been?"

"Ever since she bought a house there."

"And you didn't say anything?"

"There wasn't a need to. I knew she had her reasons for leaving and figured that they had something to do with you. Turns out I was right."

Cal decided to let that last statement pass. He knew where Gillian was. Now, he needed to decide what he was going to do with that information.

The first thing he did was drive there. He sat in front of her house for the longest time, staring at the little house that she lived in. It was cute and very typical of something that Gillian would choose. He wrestled with going up to the door and knocking a hunderd times.

Cal picked up his cell phone, "Hello Gillian."

Gillian gasped and whispered, "I thought you'd forgotten about me."

"Never. I did what you asked. I found you. Now, I need you to do something for me Gillian. Tell me that you need me sweetheart. Tell me that you love me. I'm outside waiting for you. The next move is yours to make."

It took all the strength that Gillian possessed to keep from running outside. She sighed, "I can't Cal."

He finally shook his head, turned the key and started his car. He knew that he would wait forever for Gillian to call him and tell him that she needed him. They had to be on her terms though. Anything else would seem like a breech of trust.

She was nearly four months pregnant when everything changed. Emily and Cal had pretty much stopped emailing her. She wasn't sure why that made her more depressed than content. Maybe they finally decided that they didn't want her anymore.

She walked into the house. Returning after her latest doctor's visit. The news she'd gotten from her doctor had changed everything. All her feeelings of confidence had flown out the window. She suddenly knew that she couldn't do this alone anymore.

She booted up her computer and walked into the kitchen. She leaned against the counter when she felt the tears coming. Great gulping sobs of regret came from deep inside. How could she Cal that she needed him more than ever? She filled her glass with milk and walked and sat in front of her computer.

She opened her email and saw nothing from either Cal or Emily. She opened a new email and typed four simple, but telling words:

_**I Need you now.**_

She didn't bother to sign it. There was no need. Cal would know who it was from. Then she sat back and waited for him to call her.

Cal knew that it was too early to be drinking. It was barely noon and he was well on his way to getting drunk. Which happened more and more these days. He heard his email signal that he had mail. He managed to stumble to his desk and saw that he had an email from Gillian. He opened it and read it carefully. She didn't sign it nor did she say anything else other than, _**I need you now.**_

These were the words that Cal had been waiting for.

The phone rang three times before Gillian had the nerve to answer it. She finally picked up the phone and said, "Hello..."

It was like hearing the voice of an angel, but he could detect the sadness in her voice. He asked softly, "Are you okay sweetheart?"

"I need you Cal. I can't do this alone. I can't...."

"I'm on my way Gill."

Cal was in the car and driving quickly towards the address that knew by heart. He didn't know what had happened to make her call him, but the panic he heard in her voice worried him. Were she and the baby okay? That was his first and only thought as he drove the long way to her home.

She curled up on the couch and fell asleep waiting for Cal. She woke to the sound of someone pounding on her front door. She panicked for a moment. Until she heard a familiar voice say, "Open up luv."

She bit her bottom lip hard and said, "I'm coming Cal."

She walked over to the door and threw open the door, "I've missed you so much!"

Cal simply held her for what seemed like hours, breathing in her scent. Finally, he managed to ask, "What's wrong?"

Gillian shook her head and started, "I'm sorry I wasn't ready earlier. I was scared. Scared that you loved me and scared that you didn't. Scared that the only reason you wanted me was because of the baby. I know that doesn't make any sense, but I was scared to death Cal."

Cal looked at her and whispered, "I want you because I love you. You're everything I've ever wanted in my life. You're my best friend. The one person that always believed in me no matter what. I could always count on you. Maybe a bit too much."

Gillian took his hand and nodded. She felt all that and more. She loved him for a thousand different reasons and in a thousand different ways. She finally managed to whisper, "I saw the doctor today."

"Is the baby okay?"

She shook her head, "I found out something today that...

"What's wrong luv?"

Gillian swalled hard, "I found out something today. Something that made me realize two very important things."

"What's wrong luv? You're scaring me Gill...

Gillian bit her bottom lip and whispered, "I'm having twins Cal."

Cal was knocked momentairly speechless. Nothing she could have told him would have done that. He looked at her, "Twins? Are you sure?"

She nodded saying, "Yeah. I went for the ultrasound today. They told me that they saw two babies. They even told me the sex. I..."

"Are we having boys or girls?"

"Girls. Twins girls."

Cal sat staring straight ahead. Then he managed to whisper, "Girls? Are you sure?"

She nodded and smiled. Then, she suddenly took his hand and placed it on her stomach. He was shocked at first, but soon, the shock turned into the realization that he felt something. Something wonderful. Something incredible. He felt one or maybe both, of the babies move. He looked up at her with wide eyes and whispered, "Wow..."

She looked at him then and noticed the tears that threatened to spill over. She knew then that she'd been incredibly unfair to leave him out of this. She knew that he was a wonderful father to Emily. She'd done so much wrong over the past four months. So many regrets. The only thing she could manage to say was, "I'm so sorry Cal..."

Cal pulled her close to him whispering, "You shouldn't have had to do this alone Gillian. I love you and I love the babies. I want us to be together. To raise them together as a family."

Gillian shook her head and said, "That's exactly what I didn't want Cal. I didn't want you because of the baby. I wanted you to come to me because you love me. Because I'm everything you ever want or could want. I..."

Cal put his hand under her chin and made her look at him, "Luv, you're everything I could want and more. I've been a bloody fool for not realizing it sooner. We had an agreement, that damn line. I didn't want to force you into anything, so I kept my word about not crossing it. Instead I slept with all the women that could never be you."

"Oh Cal..."

He looked into her eyes and whispered, "I love you Gillian Foster. I wish I would have told you sooner. Before Vegas. Before Poppy. Before all of the muck that came between us. We've lost five wonderful months together. All because of me."

Gillian shook her head, "It's not all your fault Cal. I could have, no should have asked you to come to me. I wanted to tell you to come to me. I was afraid Cal. Afraid that you'd think I was trying to trap you into something that you didn't want. Afraid that you couldn't love me because I'm not pretty enough."

Cal looked shocked. How could she think that he wouldn't want her and their babies? He looked at her tenderly, "Luv, I can't tell you how much I want you and our babies. I know that they weren't planned, but I've loved you for years. I can't tell you how hard it was to keep silent when you were with Alec. I wanted to confess my love for you a hundred times."

"Really?"

Cal nodded slowly, "Truly. And never say that you're not pretty enough. You're the most stunningly beautiful woman I know. You take my breath away whenever I look at you."

Cal saw her yawn and knew that she was probably exhausted, "Lets get you into bed. You need a nap."

"I'm fine."

Cal shook his head slowly laughing, "You're also pregnant. Let's go."

Cal walked beside her into the bedroom and smiled. He walked her over to the bed and watched her as she laid down. He turned to leave, but stopped when she whispered, "Stay."

Cal's eyebrows raised in question, "You sure luv?"

"I've been away from you for four months. I want you to lay beside me."

Cal nodded and climbed into bed and held her while she slept. He finally managed to drift off to sleep himself. As he drifted off, his last thought was how he was going to tell Emily that she was going to be a big sister.....


End file.
